Regrets
by ClarissaIsStupid
Summary: "Today, he is going to end it all." - Alec had enough of the break-up. What happens when he meant, he is going to end it all? A one-shot. (This is after City of Lost Souls, Page 515 to 520.)
1. Regrets

**Just a little something to make up for 'I love you no matter what' but this is quite sad. I'm not sure if I have done a somewhat good job at this story to let you guys feel the emotion there. Sorry for the lack of conversation.**

**Enjoy.**

* * *

It has been months since the break-up. As much as he hates it, it is over. What else can he do? He drowns himself in Maryse's alcohol from the kitchen. His eyes became lifeless, not a single emotion in it. Today, he is going to end it all.

He walks out of his room to the kitchen, drink a cup of fine red wine then to the training room. He straps himself in seraph blades and his bow and arrows. He then leaves the house, using his sensor to track demons lurking in the alley or anywhere. When he finds his target, he loads up his bow, pull back the string so that his hand touches his cheek and let the arrow fly gracefully in a straight line to land on its designated target.

* * *

It is soon-to-be dinner time and Alec has not come out of his room at all. Jace feels pain and lifeless through his parabatai rune, therefore, he quickly walk to Alec's room and knock on the door. There was no reply. Feeling worried and concern, he push the door open to find the room empty of Alec. There was letters laid out on the table and being his curious self, he scan through all of it and who it was address to. There was one for each of the family, Clary, Simon, Jordan, Maia and Magnus. He gathers them all and quickly call the rest of the group to come over to the institute.

* * *

This is it. The end. His breath came out in shallow ones, leaning against the wall opposite of the greater demon, he close his eyes. His body is covered in blood, from the demons and his own. He thought of his family, of his closest friends and Magnus. Magnus. His first everything. His first love, first kiss. He smiles at the fond memories. He thinks of his own life, how much it has change when he first met Magnus. Hey, another first. He thinks of his family, the ups and downs. His friends, how he hated Clary at first. But, she grows on him after finding out that he loves Magnus and not Jace. He smiles at them all, enjoying the very last moment of his life.

But, that one mistake. One mistake of meeting Camille. One damn mistake and it all shatters. His world broke. He tries to come up for air, to move on and forget it. He could not. He could not move on, could not forget him. He still loves him. His life is over and what is the point in carrying on? His father, very own blood father, hates him. His mother looks down on him. His siblings, always the popular one, the straight ones. All he does is to protect them, also known as 'the shadowhunter who never kill a demon before'. He might as well end it, right?

The demon inch closer and finally, as Alec grabs on to his memories, the demon make a quick stabs to his heart. Quick and easy, the way he loves it. He whispers his final two words, 'I'm sorry.' And fall to the ground with an audible 'thud'.

* * *

At the institute, everyone gathers around the coffee table and take their own letter. They read it and a few tears escape the corners of their eyes. Jace finish reading his when everything goes blank. He could not hear, could not see or anything. It was like everything was cut off from him. Clary notice what happen to him and quickly ask him if he was alright. When she receive no response, she panicked. Something flash brightly at his collarbone. She pull down his shirt a little to find the parabatai rune fading to just a scar. Alec. Clary informs the group about the rune.

Jace regain his senses and touch his collarbone, where the parabatai rune is. He looks at it, seeing it fade into a scar. He jumps up quickly. No. No. No, this could not happen. Why? Stupid Alec! Why? He went to Alec room and grab one of his black t-shirt. He trace a tracking rune on it and tell the group where he is.

They found him in the alley where he fought. A body, laying on the ground, a pool of blood surrounding it. Jace, Izzy and Magnus rush forward. Izzy kneel down and place her shaking fingers on her brother's wrist to find nothing. There was no pulse. He was… dare she say it, gone. Her only brother gone. She lean on her brother's chest and cried. Not caring of the blood. The toughest girl shadowhunter broke down in front of her friends but she did not care. She wants her brother back! She regret that she did not listen to her brother and always get in trouble and he was there to safe her. She regret not taking better care of him. She regret many things, but most of all she regret telling him, 'I love you'.

Jace knelt down beside his parabatai, his brother, his family. He wants him to open his eyes, telling them that he is okay and that this is all just a dream. But, not anymore. He wants to go back to the young times where they would have so much fun in the institute. He regret getting in trouble all the time. He regret not listening to his brother. He wants to show how much he cares and love him. But, he is gone. He is forever gone. He let the tears fall freely, not caring about anything else in the world but for his brother to return to them.

Magnus looks to his favourite boy. Not a boy toy but an actual boy. His one and only true lover. The one where he does not have a one night stand with. He miss the blue eyes where you could stare at all day and not get tired of. He miss the beautiful blush that would spread across the shadowhunter's cheek. He wants to see them again, but he can't. It is gone. He cries hard. He does not care for his make-up or appearance or anything. Just for Alec to return to him. He wants to say that he is sorry. He regret not telling him that he has forgiven him and want him to return back to him. He regret that, he regret all.

Clary and Maia let their tears fall. Although they were not close to Alec, they treat him like their brother. Their role model. Simon and Jordan wrap their arms around Clary and Maia respectively as they rub soothing circles in their backs.

* * *

His body was burned but his tombstone was place beside Max. His tombstone engrave:

Alexander 'Alec' Gideon Lightwood

1989 – 2007

Loving Son, Boyfriend, Brother & Parabatai

Everyone shed tears that day, what they did not notice is the angel standing behind them, his black hair covering his blue eyes. He looks out for all his love ones, protecting them and making sure that no one is in danger.

* * *

**That's all. Hope you felt the emotion there. (I've tried.) Sorry for the mistakes and spelling. There might be a chance that I will write what Alec has written for all of his closest friends, lover and family members. Review if you want me to write out the letters. Review and Flame are greatly appreciated. Thank you for reading.**


	2. Alec's Letters

**I know how I've mention that it is complete. But this is just a little extra. Hope it conveyed the emotions there. Excuse any spellings or grammar or vocabulary. Thank you. Oh damn, I just notice. Where is my disclaimer?**

**Disclaimer: Cassandra Clare owns the character and some part of the plot? Also, the last line of Magnus's letter, it was from the songs Yi Ran Ai Ni by Wang Lee Hom. Translated from Chinese to English.**

**Enjoy.**

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_Isabelle,_

_I'm sorry. I can't express how much I am in words but I really am. I know that you are strong, therefore, you will be able to overcome any obstacles. I want you to know that you will forever stay in my heart. Don't try to do more foolish things, I won't be there to watch your back. You'll always have Jace, don't forget that._

_When you were born into our family, you are the princess. I still remember the times where I will get jealous at how mum and dad treat you. But looking back, I do find it quite hilarious. Be strong Izzy. I'll always be by your side looking after you even though you can't see me._

_Stay strong, be good. I remember when you first choose your favourite weapon. You use it so gracefully like an angel in my eyes. Stay that way, no matter what Izzy, I am sorry._

_I love you,_

_Alec_

* * *

_Jace,_

_My brother, my parabatai. I'm sorry about the bond. To be honest, I can't stand life anymore. Let's admit it eh, when you first came, I had fun playing with you. But slowly, feelings got out of control. I started developing a crush on you. Sadly, I was in the closet at that time. Can you blame me bro? I was brought up like that. You'll forever be my brother, even when I leave this earth for life._

_Take care of Izzy. Stop fighting you two! Always, always. You two just don't stop. Help me take care of the family. I will always be by your side, having your back. Remember that._

_When Clary first came along, I was jealous. She manage to read me like an open book. I threaten her but it was stupid. I finally realised that my love is not you but Magnus. Sadly it ended. Just remember, help me. Help me take care of Izzy, Clary, mum and dad. I'll love you brother. You're a Lightwood, we always stick together no matter what. Engrave that in your head, Jace._

_Farewell my brother, my parabatai,_

_Alec_

* * *

_Mum,_

_Thank you mum for giving birth to me, for allowing me to breathe in the very first breath. Thanks for taking care and looking after me. Although most of the time you were at Idris and never at home, I still want to thank you. Even though you despise me for being gay._

_Also, thank you for giving birth to another child, Izzy then Max. I'm sorry, but at the good side I'll be with Max, won't I? I tell him that everyone misses him. Take care of yourself mum. Sorry for not being the son you dream of, but I've tried._

_Love,_

_Alec_

* * *

_Dad,_

_I got not much to say to you dad but, thanks for being the father that I look up to. You have always been my role model since young. But it is a pity that most of the things I learn are from my siblings. Anyways, take care of the family dad. My role has been pass on to Jace._

_Love,_

_Alec_

* * *

_Clary,_

_Did you know that I was jealous of you? I was. Because of Jace, what else? Thank you for drawing the rune in the accords hall. I finally realized who I love. Could you do me a favour? My final favour. Take care of Jace and Izzy. After all, one of them is your boyfriend the other your sister._

_In the time when I have pass on, they'll need all the support they could get. And that's why I need you to help me give it to them. I am very sorry. They lost a brother, they got to lose another. But I really can't stand it anymore. Thank you for helping me. I know you'll do it._

_Thank you,_

_Alec_

* * *

_Simon,_

_Izzy needs you Simon. I saw how she looks at you. Even though you and I are not close, I'll trust that you'll take care of my sister. I know you have feelings for her as it goes the same for her. I don't think I'll need to say much about hurting her._

_Even if you hurt her, she got her whip she could use or Jace will be there. Izzy needs your support now. Look after her, daylighter._

_Thank you,_

_Alec_

* * *

_Maia,_

_I know we're not close with each other, but you better look after yourself. There not much that I could write to you but I do look up to you and the rest. Take care Maia._

_Thank you,_

_Alec_

* * *

_Jordan,_

_Look after your girlfriend. I heard of your past once from Maia and how you met her. Hearts are breakable, said by Izzy or Simon once. You need to treasure it otherwise it'll end up like mine. Don't break it again, Jordan._

_Thank you,_

_Alec_

* * *

_Magnus,_

_My love. I have much to say. I shall start by thanking you. Thanks for all the love you have pour out on me. Thanks for all you have done through the ups and downs. I know you still love me, like you have said. But, please, how about move on? You always do that. I let my insecurity get in the way but at some places are maybe your fault._

_Have you ever though once if you place yourself in my shoes? Maybe on that day when you found me, I don't want your immortality? Do you know what I want to find out from Camille? I want to find out more about you. Your past. To you it does not matter, but to me it does. For that, not finding out my explanation, just breaking up? You're even more insecure than me._

_I tried Magnus. You just don't want to let go. That make-up and everything? It is just a stupid mask! One that I tried to remove. I'm sorry. My biggest regret is not removing it. Not being able to see all the goodness under it. I had enough Magnus. You pushed me away just because you're scared, worried, and afraid. I removed mine. I show my true self in front of the Clave for you. Guess it is just a wasted effort._

_So, I turn to other methods. I talk to Camille about you. I really wanted to cut of the deal and ask her more about you. You. And this is how I was treated back. Sorry Magnus. I love you, but not that it changes anything. That line. You said that line. But does it mean anything?_

_'How could I forget those memories? I'm still in love with you, that's the only path I walk. Those times together were the best times of my life. I shall cherish every minute, every moment of happiness, your every breath, every movement, every expression, till the very end, and I'll still love you.'_

_Aku cinta kamu Magnus Bane,_

_Alec_

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**That's all. Hope you manage to feel the emotions. Reviews and Flames are greatly appreciated. Bye.**


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